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Quite often during the Israeli-Hamas war when grief is so deep and the unknown future makes demons in my mind, I struggle to find inner calm.

But over the past few days, I begin to buckle from the efforts. When I try my Chi Gong practice, I can barely stand on my feet.

I chant my favorite Om mantra but cannot make sounds come out of my throat. I do deep Yogic breathing, but my chest is constricted. I pray to the God of my Childhood.

Then I do something I never allow myself to do. Late afternoon, I give into to my deep weakness.  I collapse on the sofa.

I surrender to my weakness giving my body and soul what it craves. Quiet. Effortlessness.

Being in the humble presence of my helplessly bewildered self, scared to death of war and life.